prayer - An Altar in the World

Just finished the chapter on the Practice of being Present to God.  Reminds me so much I hunger for the spiritual direction/discussion group.  This is a book club selection - and I chose to not attend the meeting which is today, as it is also the day the JUMC is preparing ramps for their ramp dinner.  In a self interest in continuing the relationship I have with members of JUMC, I chose to stay here.  Initially I thought this was not a good book to discuss at book group - and I guess I still feel that way, though now I hunger to discuss it. 

And yes, I hunger to discuss this type of issue - being present to God.  I do not think I am "better" than someone else - but miss the opportunity to share this level of discussion - I sense that many other people, no less "religious" or "spiritual" than myself would think I was off my rocker.  I do not yearn to be a pastor, just to be a person more "in touch" with God.  I am learning, over and over, and not making much progress, that what I think I want, may be different than what God wants for me. 

As I think about my deep desire to be in touch with Rick and be more in his life, I realize that comes with some concerns/ restrictions.  Am I ready to give up my church life, my choir, bells etc to be more available to him?  Is simply being the person that carried him before he had the ability to sustain himself, does that make me due him coming to us? 

I remember how desolate and alone I felt the night after my last "accident" and how, in the dark of the night I somehow sensed that  I did have value and worth - and that I chose then to look up hymns and sing. albeit to myself.  I am not sure how many people would understand that - but I KNOW Alicia would.

So, now I will write a short email to her, and my day will continue as I get ready to go help prepare ramps,

thanks be to GOD!

April 10, 2012

Knitting the Matrix shawl has become a real project.  Went to Elkins again on Saturday to discuss and verify my thoughts.  Sunday night I joined the long strips to the vest back and did the instructed K2 yarn over increases and as Sandra suspected, it did leave holes, so last night I started to take out the two new rows - invested over an hour and only have part of the k1p1 rib out, but I will persist and get it back to the increase row and do it as k2, increases.  I surely hope this is worth the time and money I have put into this.  And I certainly did need the 47" cord on the circular needle to hold all the stitches, though it is long and heavy.  Now we need to plan to go to the fall retreat so I can "show off" my matrix vest!  *and I need to get it completed by then, bu t that should happen once I get the increase row down.  I put a marker in where the "row" starts to have it to do my row counts.