Last week our son-in-law died very suddenly. It is hard for me to describe the way my head was in a fog when our daughter called at 3AM - Mommy - pray - it doesn't look good. Her husband had collapsed and with all her ICU knowledge and various others to help, he was unable to be revived. 43 years old, and gone. Yes, he had known heart issues, 3 open heart procedures, the last not quite 3 yrs ago. But he (they) were just here on Dec 27 and all seemed well. And it hit me that my baby - was a widow at 46.
Through all the time went spent with her, I mostly watched her - watched out for her, and of course the girls, now fatherless at 19 and 16. When her father called her on Tuesday (8 days after) he was the first to tell her some of the things she will now need to do as his surviving spouse. I want to just take over and do for her, but even last Friday it was apparent I need to let her do this at her pace.
And yesterday as I took a walk, I found myself remembering that walk home in Dec of 1949 as my father walked me home from our neighbors where I had been staying for the days between my mother's stroke and death. She was 41, I was then 7 yrs old. As I walked in some residual snow yesterday I wondered if it had been a snowy walk then, almost 65 yrs ago.
I have not remembered much from that time (and almost none from before that). But as I walked I felt like I remembered being kept apart - isolated - while people comforted my father and my mother's sisters comforted each other. Do I remember being told I was to take care of my father? Is that the beginning of my need to take care of others - to relieve other's burdens? I am quite sure that is the beginning of the way there are times I feel "invisible". When I came home I looked up times and dates - my mother collapsed on Monday afternoon and I think it was Tues afternoon that I was allowed to visit her. At that time care was in the home, not in a hospital. I can remember her just laying there, and not responding to me. Then the obituary said she died at 6:30pm on Weds, but it was the next morning when my father told me. And we walked home home crying.
So, today as I was walking, I noticed how the geese were in small groups, but all part of a big group. Sometimes there would be a single goose off to the side, but one would honk and the lone one would wander back to the group. And I am reminded about the story of geese migrating. They fly in a V formation and (so the lore goes) honk encouragement at the leader, and when the leader tires. another will take the lead and let the lead goose drop back where he/she can use the trailing wind to rest a bit.
And it strikes me that I can be like a goose. I am comfortable taking my turn in the lead, but I like to be encouraged, and I like to know I can drop back and coast while someone else takes the lead.
But I also realized that geese, and cows, and yes, myself, like to be in a group. And there are times I need to be by myself, But I thrive in a community. And I am so glad to be part of the community of church. To know that when I am suffering, someone else is supporting me if not in presence, surely in prayer. So, when I need to be strong for our daughter, someone else is in communion with me, like layers of supporting blocks, with Christ as the primary support.
So, may we all find comfort in our own sense of community, but may my precious daughter and granddaughters find the comfort of their own community, just as I have mine in my fellow believers.
Grace and Peace to all
