I am fearfully and wonderfully made - I was knit together/formed for God's purpose. I need to be still and know what God wants of me - from me- for me.
I am working on the listening and hearing skills. I have been using "Spirit of the Living God" as one of my calming/centering foci. Awhile ago, as I sang that hymn to myself silently, I could not remember the first action phrase, so I looked it up. Interesting to find it is "melt me".
If I am "fearfully and wonderfully made" by the creator, in my mother's womb, then am I not basically perfect? Funny how life gets in the way. So as I sit in silence, not exactly meditating, I need to allow the spirit to enter me and calm me - open me - make me accessible to the working of the spirit, so the phrase "melt me" becomes even more significant. Melt my preconceptions, take away the hardened shell of thinking I know it all. Only by being melted- pliable- can then the following section take place. Mold me. Make me be what You (God) want me to be. First I have to be melted to be pliable to the Maker to mold me.
And isn't that what society is doing to us all. We are melted by our exposure to the world - desensitized to cruel and harsh conditions. Use to seeing people who are hungry- if they just would put their mind to it they could get a job. So we are molded by those around us with self serving attitudes. And it is sometimes difficult to resist buying into that. And I am ashamed to admit I am sure there are times my attitude is no better. But I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Shaped and formed in the image of God to do good to others, to love and serve.
Lord, give me strength to stand up to what I know is wrong and be molded by You for your work. Fill me and use me-
Lord, in your mercy, hear my prayer.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Friday, July 19, 2013
half full or half empty?
I am reading Sandpiper's blog about going forth - for all purposes, taking nothing and relying on others/God to meet your needs.
And I am part of a small group who is trying to put our kitchen and thus our fellowship hall and storage areas back into useful condition. I am having trouble seeing the progress for all I see that needs to be done. I admit I am discouraged. I guess I am seeing all the mess that is left with my back turned on all that is done. Standing in the kitchen door and looking out.
We have a work group coming this week- they will get to use our new kitchen before we do. Will they understand that we had a yard sale scheduled that was postponed? Will they see the progress or all the bags of "stuff" all over? Or will they see how nice our new kitchen looks? Our custodian has worked hard to keep things reasonably clean during demolition and reconstruction, but dust is pervasive and everywhere. Will people see the shiny new, clean kitchen or all the "stuff" that is still all over? Do our fellow parishoners see the progress that the few of us have seen, or do they see the bags of "stuff" that is piled all over, in the way of the yet unwashed dishes, unsorted things to wash and store?
And is that how God feels when He has offered even His own Son for us, and all we can see is the mess that that world is in?
I decide, this day, this minute, to look at the progress in the kitchen and give thanks for the time and energy that has been expended - to say nothing about the expense of all these new appliances, stainless steel cabinets, etc. To be thankful for all that has been accomplished and, for now, to turn my back on all that is still to be done. I will rejoice for the progress, as I suspect God rejoices for each person that accepts His love. And I know there will be another day to work, and more workers to do the work.
I will say,
Thanks be to God!
And I am part of a small group who is trying to put our kitchen and thus our fellowship hall and storage areas back into useful condition. I am having trouble seeing the progress for all I see that needs to be done. I admit I am discouraged. I guess I am seeing all the mess that is left with my back turned on all that is done. Standing in the kitchen door and looking out.
We have a work group coming this week- they will get to use our new kitchen before we do. Will they understand that we had a yard sale scheduled that was postponed? Will they see the progress or all the bags of "stuff" all over? Or will they see how nice our new kitchen looks? Our custodian has worked hard to keep things reasonably clean during demolition and reconstruction, but dust is pervasive and everywhere. Will people see the shiny new, clean kitchen or all the "stuff" that is still all over? Do our fellow parishoners see the progress that the few of us have seen, or do they see the bags of "stuff" that is piled all over, in the way of the yet unwashed dishes, unsorted things to wash and store?
And is that how God feels when He has offered even His own Son for us, and all we can see is the mess that that world is in?
I decide, this day, this minute, to look at the progress in the kitchen and give thanks for the time and energy that has been expended - to say nothing about the expense of all these new appliances, stainless steel cabinets, etc. To be thankful for all that has been accomplished and, for now, to turn my back on all that is still to be done. I will rejoice for the progress, as I suspect God rejoices for each person that accepts His love. And I know there will be another day to work, and more workers to do the work.
I will say,
Thanks be to God!
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Independence Day 2013
Over the last month, as I sat looking at the floor for a week following eye surgery, and in my recent time away (I spent a week at the Chautauqua Institute) I have spent significant quiet time considering what I want to do "next". I feel a bit like a teenager, just starting college and not sure what I want to do with my life. As I have been retired for most of 9 years, I am a bit past the teenage years. And a small humble part of me still thinks God has plans for me - and a use for me.
In the last 8 years I have cast about, doing lots of different things, seeking a comfort spot on which to land - to focus. Much of that effort has revolved around my chuch and church family. And on introspection and prayer, I am concluding that I need to find a way to bundle all my little "jobs" (prayer shawl ministry, card ministry, helping out in the church kitchen, walking, exercising, working in the yard and garden of my own and others) into some type of framework. As a busy nurse and then nurse leader, I have focused on the list of things accomplished at the end of the day.
I suspect I have kept busy and involved as a way to ensure I am "needed". And while I recognize the value of each individual person, I think I have a fear of being forgotten- overlooked somehow when the fun times come. I need to learn to appreciate the value of quiet time spent reading and listening.
So my prayer for me (and if you are reading this, I ask you to join me) is that I welcome a way to wrap all this up in a forward direction, that encourages others to be present in the moment and sense the leading of the Holy Spirit.
In the last 8 years I have cast about, doing lots of different things, seeking a comfort spot on which to land - to focus. Much of that effort has revolved around my chuch and church family. And on introspection and prayer, I am concluding that I need to find a way to bundle all my little "jobs" (prayer shawl ministry, card ministry, helping out in the church kitchen, walking, exercising, working in the yard and garden of my own and others) into some type of framework. As a busy nurse and then nurse leader, I have focused on the list of things accomplished at the end of the day.
I suspect I have kept busy and involved as a way to ensure I am "needed". And while I recognize the value of each individual person, I think I have a fear of being forgotten- overlooked somehow when the fun times come. I need to learn to appreciate the value of quiet time spent reading and listening.
So my prayer for me (and if you are reading this, I ask you to join me) is that I welcome a way to wrap all this up in a forward direction, that encourages others to be present in the moment and sense the leading of the Holy Spirit.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
New Experience
Yesterday I met with a Spiritual Director for the first time. I was uncertain about this. Two Pastors that I respect meet have spiritual direction and one of them, a valued friend, suggested this might be an avenue for me - beyond what I was feeling with my current pastor,
As I met with him, initially I was uncomfortable. I started by giving some of my personal history especially as it related to my "spiritual life", I discussed times when I specifically felt the presence of God - weeding, walking, my morning quiet time and he kindly nodded and smiled from time to time. I became more comfortable discussing my feelings. I think this will be a good experience. The ability to discuss things like "laws are for the lawless" - and we are all God's creatures - and that even people like the Boston Bomber - or bin Laden, are loved by God, just have deviated from the path God may have preferred they take.
Made me feel a little less out of step with people in general. My desire and prayer now are to be able to be comfortable when I use words to others that may come out strange, but are meant to be of comfort.
Truely, the presence of the Lord is in this place- I can feel His power and His grace. An affirmation back from my Quaker days that hearing and feeling God is not unique to people who are called to have ministry as their life profession.
Thanks be to God!
As I met with him, initially I was uncomfortable. I started by giving some of my personal history especially as it related to my "spiritual life", I discussed times when I specifically felt the presence of God - weeding, walking, my morning quiet time and he kindly nodded and smiled from time to time. I became more comfortable discussing my feelings. I think this will be a good experience. The ability to discuss things like "laws are for the lawless" - and we are all God's creatures - and that even people like the Boston Bomber - or bin Laden, are loved by God, just have deviated from the path God may have preferred they take.
Made me feel a little less out of step with people in general. My desire and prayer now are to be able to be comfortable when I use words to others that may come out strange, but are meant to be of comfort.
Truely, the presence of the Lord is in this place- I can feel His power and His grace. An affirmation back from my Quaker days that hearing and feeling God is not unique to people who are called to have ministry as their life profession.
Thanks be to God!
"Post-op"
Over the last few months and weeks I have been dealing with vision issues (which may also be some type of a pun-). Since early this year I have had an actual eye issue - which ultimately was diagnosed as a hole in my macula. A little less than two weeks ago I had a vitrectomy - some of the fluid in the back of my eye was withdrawn and a bubble of gas was injected. I spent over a week with my head facing the floor so that the gas bubble could exert pressure on the back of the eye to close the hole - to heal. And according to follow up tests, it worked. I rejoiced. And of course I expected immediate return to "normal" sight and activities.
I might add, that I had carefully scheduled this so that all that I wanted to be part of could occur. I have also been unable to separate the part of me that is pretty science based in analyzing all that is happening - all that I "see". And I keep wishing I had know what was happening in advance to be better prepared to tolerate it as it happened. Like, who knew that the bubble would become darker as it got smaller (hence increasingly harder to ignore....), or that it would reflect light and allow me to see and try to ignore rays of light.
Did I mention that I had carefully scheduled this so that I could "do it all" - everything that I had planned to do over the end of May into the last of June? There had been a few bumps in the road. My husband has a health issue that should have been resolved in a couple months, now going on seven months. But he has cheerfully adjusted/adapted. Friends have had health concerns- and we have adapted.
But the continuing message to me is pretty clear - let go and Let God take control. A VERY HARD lesson for someone like me. So I will contine to give thanks for the healing I am experiencing, for the patience of my husband, and for the way God forgives my shortcomings, and Loves ME no matter what! May I always rejoice and give God the glory and share HIS love with all the world- in action and in words.
Thanks be to God.
I might add, that I had carefully scheduled this so that all that I wanted to be part of could occur. I have also been unable to separate the part of me that is pretty science based in analyzing all that is happening - all that I "see". And I keep wishing I had know what was happening in advance to be better prepared to tolerate it as it happened. Like, who knew that the bubble would become darker as it got smaller (hence increasingly harder to ignore....), or that it would reflect light and allow me to see and try to ignore rays of light.
Did I mention that I had carefully scheduled this so that I could "do it all" - everything that I had planned to do over the end of May into the last of June? There had been a few bumps in the road. My husband has a health issue that should have been resolved in a couple months, now going on seven months. But he has cheerfully adjusted/adapted. Friends have had health concerns- and we have adapted.
But the continuing message to me is pretty clear - let go and Let God take control. A VERY HARD lesson for someone like me. So I will contine to give thanks for the healing I am experiencing, for the patience of my husband, and for the way God forgives my shortcomings, and Loves ME no matter what! May I always rejoice and give God the glory and share HIS love with all the world- in action and in words.
Thanks be to God.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Love each other
Jesus commands us to love each other as He has loved us. With all our faults and failings. He loved the disciples, knowing they would be human and have major faults. Makes me think of the love a parent has for a child. Even when they cause us pain, and yes, seem to deny (well, at least ignore) us, we love them. Even children that are to the world "bad" - we love our child.
A friend of mine has an adult child that has recently been incarcerated, not for the first time. My heart goes out to her and her family for that pain of social stigma. Yet I know she loves her child. Makes my hurts seem so insignificant.
Yesterday I spent the day with a dear friend and had the opportunity to attend a worship service where the sermon was on "re-gifting". We are encouraged to tithe- give to the Lord first, and then to give of our extra as well. I remember a line I think from a song, love isn't ours 'til we give it away. My heart is filled with love this Lord's day. I have more than I need to survive, but as a pass along "stuff", place my money envelope in the offering plate, and pack up my extra "stuff" for the church yard sale, may I also remember that playing in the bell choir is also giving some of my love, as is the love our leader gives to us as she encourages us (and at times puts up with our adult shenanigans).
Thank you God and the world for loving me. May I pass that along in words and deeds.
A friend of mine has an adult child that has recently been incarcerated, not for the first time. My heart goes out to her and her family for that pain of social stigma. Yet I know she loves her child. Makes my hurts seem so insignificant.
Yesterday I spent the day with a dear friend and had the opportunity to attend a worship service where the sermon was on "re-gifting". We are encouraged to tithe- give to the Lord first, and then to give of our extra as well. I remember a line I think from a song, love isn't ours 'til we give it away. My heart is filled with love this Lord's day. I have more than I need to survive, but as a pass along "stuff", place my money envelope in the offering plate, and pack up my extra "stuff" for the church yard sale, may I also remember that playing in the bell choir is also giving some of my love, as is the love our leader gives to us as she encourages us (and at times puts up with our adult shenanigans).
Thank you God and the world for loving me. May I pass that along in words and deeds.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Wednesday-
Mid week - almost the middle of April. No real organized thoughts today. Just feel the desire to blog a bit.
I have been uneasy recently - whatever is going on with/in my right eye has settled into being unable to read normal print and a definite mess in the middle of my vision and since 1982 my right eye has been my "best" eye. Left eye post cataract has the best distance vision - right not as good, and now clearly (almost a pun there-) not as clear in the central vision. Still functions well for giving me depth perception and .
Been participating in the "Advancing your Spiritual Growth" class T is leading. Discovered last week that the paper work he has given us did not make sense with the chapter we were "assigned" - no wonder, the paper work covers numerous chapters. Goes to show he is not a teacher - As I have commented to E and A, I am looking for some assistance in my spirit - more in the line of nurturing than feeding. Made sense to me.
And now I find I am having real issues with my weight again. During the time I was walking last fall into winter, I got down to the lower 170's. Then winter struck, I quit regular walking and weight started up again. When I got sick it went down, then up a few pounds for a couple weeks, then down over 2 lbs and now today back up. I am at a serious cross roads that means discarding those summer clothes I really liked and was proud to wear in size 14 and buying more in a larger size. Very discouraging. But I recognize that eating is enjoyable to me and I am at a place where I feel little satisfying.
I am also discouraged about something I have no control over, but keep urging and trying. I really need to let that one go- even tho I have been a cheerleader for the effort. Very discouraging to want to do things, and feel powerless. Like all the brush that needs to be cleaned up around here- no point in starting more brush piles when the ones I've created over the years are still waiting. And too many big branches and trees I really can not move.
OK, enough for now - even this computer annoys me since the cursor does not move and if I pause, when I start back to typing the darn thing starts somewhere mid sentence. Guess I have a LOT of things I can't control and I better just get used to it!
But I KNOW that God loves me, NO MATTER WHAT, even when it seems I have trouble loving myself.
I have been uneasy recently - whatever is going on with/in my right eye has settled into being unable to read normal print and a definite mess in the middle of my vision and since 1982 my right eye has been my "best" eye. Left eye post cataract has the best distance vision - right not as good, and now clearly (almost a pun there-) not as clear in the central vision. Still functions well for giving me depth perception and .
Been participating in the "Advancing your Spiritual Growth" class T is leading. Discovered last week that the paper work he has given us did not make sense with the chapter we were "assigned" - no wonder, the paper work covers numerous chapters. Goes to show he is not a teacher - As I have commented to E and A, I am looking for some assistance in my spirit - more in the line of nurturing than feeding. Made sense to me.
And now I find I am having real issues with my weight again. During the time I was walking last fall into winter, I got down to the lower 170's. Then winter struck, I quit regular walking and weight started up again. When I got sick it went down, then up a few pounds for a couple weeks, then down over 2 lbs and now today back up. I am at a serious cross roads that means discarding those summer clothes I really liked and was proud to wear in size 14 and buying more in a larger size. Very discouraging. But I recognize that eating is enjoyable to me and I am at a place where I feel little satisfying.
I am also discouraged about something I have no control over, but keep urging and trying. I really need to let that one go- even tho I have been a cheerleader for the effort. Very discouraging to want to do things, and feel powerless. Like all the brush that needs to be cleaned up around here- no point in starting more brush piles when the ones I've created over the years are still waiting. And too many big branches and trees I really can not move.
OK, enough for now - even this computer annoys me since the cursor does not move and if I pause, when I start back to typing the darn thing starts somewhere mid sentence. Guess I have a LOT of things I can't control and I better just get used to it!
But I KNOW that God loves me, NO MATTER WHAT, even when it seems I have trouble loving myself.
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