Maybe I should have titled this success and failure. This AM I read the chapter on Success in Joan Chittester's book The Gift of Years Growing Older Gracefully. I certainly am not a success at family. My children rarely call, and frequently are not available when I call them. My grandchildren prefer electronic communication - the two that communicate - and seem to prefer to do that in social media. I have one brother than seems to prefer to be isolated in terms of communication and another with which I have infrequent communication. And my sister loves to talk but it seems only when I call her.
I have debated with myself if I am depressed. I don't think so - I think I am tired of making all the effort. My husband is content to have little outside contact - his idea of the ideal vacation spot is one that has free wi-fi and good tv reception. Many days our phone does not ring at all - and if it does, it is someone trying to sell us something or on some idea (think politician....).
I see the beauty of this changing season and am almost fearful of the next season of snow and potential isolation. I want to be doing things - improving the way our property looks, visiting with others, sharing new yarn I have gotten, the progress on projects, the way the spirit works in mysterious ways.
I am certainly not content with everything in my life. I am impatient to see progress - get the trimming done, have the apples canned (I did 7 qts apple pie filling yesterday) and have a chance to sit and talk - or walk and talk. I am content that my relationship with my Lord is mine to cultivate, to grow and to be responsive. I am thankful for my health and that of my close relatives.
Maybe I am too impatient with others. Again today, I will pray to be patient - to be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit - in His/Her own time.....
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Thankfulness
What a beautiful, fall morning. As I started this day, my prayer request was (and is-) that my life have meaning - make a difference. And the hymn "Great is thy faithfulness" is running through my head. Interesting is that the scripture for today in the Upper Room Disciplines, is Psalm 119: 137-144, and the concluding line, vs 144b is: "Give me understanding, and I shall live.".
I had a good overnight retreat last Fri and Sat in Charleston doing a "walk with Jesus" spiritual formation activity. We walked the labyrinth at St. Marks six different times. I can't even describe what it was like. I love the peace of walking in silence. You can always see the center - your goal, and yet there are times when you seem to be "almost there" and you are quite a way from arriving. And then, when you think you are farthest, you are lead right to the center. Is that how it is with some problems in life? When I struggle and think the answer is distant, it is close, and when I surrender and just let it go (Let go and Let God?), that the answer comes? Another observation that stuck with me was that if you are on the journey with others, at one point you will cross each others paths - get in the way? find a way to work around each other?. The only exception was when we met in the center..... hmmm.
This morning the phone rang and it was my daughter. I am disturbed at first by the phone ringing in the midst of "my time"- and I am tickled that she calls to talk. Things can't always be on my terms.... and even good things sometimes come as an interruption. Thanks, R, for being a great "interruption" in my life.
I realize I am struggling, in my personal life, with the desire to do it all, to have it all, but seemingly on my time plan. Life is not like that. I need to do a better job at having the words "Let go and Let God" do a better job of travelling those inches from my head to my heart.
And for all things, I am very thankful. May I share my thanks with all I see. Thanks be to God.
I had a good overnight retreat last Fri and Sat in Charleston doing a "walk with Jesus" spiritual formation activity. We walked the labyrinth at St. Marks six different times. I can't even describe what it was like. I love the peace of walking in silence. You can always see the center - your goal, and yet there are times when you seem to be "almost there" and you are quite a way from arriving. And then, when you think you are farthest, you are lead right to the center. Is that how it is with some problems in life? When I struggle and think the answer is distant, it is close, and when I surrender and just let it go (Let go and Let God?), that the answer comes? Another observation that stuck with me was that if you are on the journey with others, at one point you will cross each others paths - get in the way? find a way to work around each other?. The only exception was when we met in the center..... hmmm.
This morning the phone rang and it was my daughter. I am disturbed at first by the phone ringing in the midst of "my time"- and I am tickled that she calls to talk. Things can't always be on my terms.... and even good things sometimes come as an interruption. Thanks, R, for being a great "interruption" in my life.
I realize I am struggling, in my personal life, with the desire to do it all, to have it all, but seemingly on my time plan. Life is not like that. I need to do a better job at having the words "Let go and Let God" do a better job of travelling those inches from my head to my heart.
And for all things, I am very thankful. May I share my thanks with all I see. Thanks be to God.
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