Trust.... myself

So, my word for this year has been TRUST.  And it is pretty amazing how often I find that word fits in many of my uncomfortable moments.

In my "contemplative knitting" - the item I knit on in my quiet time and pay attention to the motions of my hands, not knit while I am talking or waiting or watching TV - I recently needed to do a join of one skein to the next.  I did the join sort of loosely a few days ago, and then had issues with the way it looked.  Clearly too loose and made an obvious hump.  So I had decided to take out the rows between the join and where I had gotten.  I made up my mind that it had to be corrected, which meant pulling the stitches tight that involved my join.  So that was what I did this morning.  And in doing so I had now two issues - the strength of the join/weld, and remembering how many rows I took out so the pattern would be maintained.  As I un-knit (some say tink-), I realized that my issue with trust was many times in trusting myself.  In this case, in trusting the strenght of my weld of the yarns.

So, as I reknit the join area, I pulled it tight enough to not have an obvious gap, thinking I had to trust that weld - and lo and behold it is fine.  Hardly shows.  And I could tell when I had used up the yarn I unknit and when I started to go farther than I had undone. So yes, today my lesson in trust is to TRUST myself- my welds, my decisions, and perhaps even that I am loved and remembered even when I am out of sight.  Enough said. Amen.

Fungus and estrangement

I have a few things that are bothering me on an ongoing basis.  I  have a fungus under several of my toenails, and I have an issue with estrangement in our family.  It occurs to me that both are prevasive and undermine a segment of my health.  I am likely to loose one of my great toe nails in the near future due to the fungus.  It won't be the first time, either.  So far nothing I have done has made any difference and yes, I have sought medical advice but have chosen not to take toxic medication.

We have a family situation - our son is divorced from the mother of his daughter, and there have been hard feelings and bitterness for almost our granddaughter's whole life.  Our son has found happiness with his second wife and her children have truly become their children.  But the strife with his natural daughter and her mother have caused what seems to be an unresolveable estrangement.  Because of this bitterness, we are also separated from her, and I fear attempts on my part to contact her will result in further estrangement of us from our son.

As I prayed this morning about the family issue, it came to me that this is like my toenail fungus.  And I asked God what else could I do.  I sense God telling me to pray for our current daughter-in-law for healing in her - perhaps even more that for us, in that maybe through her healing she can help our son with is healing and we can experience so healing as well.

Maybe there is a fungus in her background that is undermining our son's relationship with his daughter- and maybe there is a toenail there that has to be lost to unearth the real problem for healing.

And I will continue to pray for healing for all of us - and my toes.