When morning gilds the skies..

Where did I first learn that hymn?  Some hymns, or phrases, are so deep into my memory I have no idea where I learned them.  I am convinced that we had devotions with hymn singing at the camp I attended for several summers. 
I know Mother/Flo and Dad and all of us went to church regularly.  Of course there was no hymn singing at George School.  And now I get to be part of a church choir.  In fact, today I will go early to JUMC to sing with their choir at Kathy's request, even tho Crim will not have choir singing today. 
I love sitting in my kitchen window, even on cold mornings, and feeling the sun come up and hit my back. Of course then i need to close the curtain to be able to keep the sun off the computer screen.

Maybe I should start "writing down" some of the few memories I have from my childhood and maybe that will trigger more memories.  LIke the story I wrote of the red courdory set mother made for me.  And was my concern about spoiling the outfit because I had been beaten for hiding my underwear? And is that why I am so almost obsessive of keeping my dirty clothes rounded up?

We certainly had our issues, Flo and I, in my childhood. 

And there are definitely sky related issues that sometime, no matter how I hold my head, I can not see the tower light I call my "God light" - but like God, I know it is out there.

Prayer shawl?

I have been thinking a lot about our prayer shawl ministry this AM.  I woke wondering and ?worrying? about Advent knitting, a meeting soon, silent sermon, why are we in a period of down? was this just an Alicia thing?  In trying to discern how active to be or is this something I should let go of, I realized that in some way I think this is tied to my identity.  Will I loose part of my identity/purpose if this disbands? and yet there is definitely an ongoing need for prayer shawls - Elaine asked about one for Pam  and I wonder if Alicia has made one for her friend Robin - or could Lewis use one as a physical symbol of our love and support for him?

And tied into all of this is my compassion for those in the LGBT community.  As I pray and ponder this, I can not get past the fact that God loves us all - the oddballs, the outcasts, etc., so how is it that the "church" can tell someone that they can not be all they want or feel called to be?

Tired tonite

It has been a busy week.  I have been part of a group of people preparing for our Bazaar and Turkey dinner tomorrow.  Tuesday we fed the District Clergy group as they met at our church.  Long day of standing.  I have stopped by the church each day since for anywhere from a couple hours to most of the day - 10:30AM today to 3PM.  Tired tonite.  Just not used to standing on my feet that long anymore.  Tomorrow will be a challenge as I go to Balance/Stretch class at 8AM, then on to the church for the remainder of the day.

Weds we finished painting the initial coat on the building.  Looks pretty good if I do say so myself.

Forgot to tell Alicia I read the book - dry grass of August.  I think it is one she would like to read.  I am sure she knows Bruce Blankenship is back at AB- or maybe she doesn't.  She called it right when she guessed that Retired Bishop Groves would be our interim Bishop with Bishop Lyght retiring at the end of this calendar year.

Sam has started his Christmas decorating = two inflatables up, snowflakes hung on the fence and lights above his garage doors.  Guess we really should do some of our outside decorating, but not tomorrow, that is for sure.  I did get the Halloween decorations down this PM.  Discarded the flag as it is faded.

And my "christmas cactus" is blooming!

May consider sharing this blog with a couple friends - have not yet decided.  Too tired to make a decision tonight, that is for sure.  Going to get ready for bed and maybe read a few pages in JRobin's book-

change

Seems like we have had to cope with some serious change in the last few weeks.  First it was the change related to Trevor - and that we had lost a chunk of money in the last few months.  So OK< we will deal with Nina - have not heard back from her.

Then on Saturday the notices about Lindsey and Hayley's money from Mother- another significant loss that we blatently ignored out of innocence (ignorance??).  Talked to Barb this PM and I guess I will call Mother's contact person either late tomorrow or Wednesday.

Then today we get a notice that Karen Patton is no longer with Allstate and they have transferred our account to Ken Lambert - the agent we did not want when we were in Richlands.  I think that I have effected that change via Allstate to an agent in Buckhannon.

Considering I do not do well with change, it has been a bit upsetting.  Sure would be nice to get a friendly "how are you" call..... little chance that will happen.  Guess I will (AGAIN) initiate a call tomorrow just to sort of cheer myself up. 

I am mostly glad that Dr. Holbert does not consider me depressed - I am more upset than depressed with people that seem to just think we are doing OK and don't need a check in call.  I am not sure where we went wrong with our kids in that they never think of us.

OK- deteriorating to bitching now instead of blogging.  Enough is enough.  At some point someone may discover this blog.

Sunday nite

Sort of busy last two days.  Yesterday I felted my green and rose "entrelac" bag and spent a couple hours in the afternoon at the Jerusalem Bazaar.  We went there sort of late and I had hoped for a couple hot dogs, but sad for us and good for them, they were sold out!  So we each had a bowl of delicious vegetable beef soup.  I bought a few other things and visited a while with our friends there. 

Got to talk to Robin a while as she drove to work.  Glad to hear that weather permitting we will go to Ripley on 12/16 for Brittany's concert, then home on the 17th and be able to participate in Crim's cantata on the 18th as well as potentially go to hear Chapel Hill cantata on the same evening.  I guess I really do want to do it all!

Today we went to church (combined service at PUMC).  We had a combined choir that included two men! Service was good but it was a disappointing turn out in my opinion.  Visited briefly with the Loyds and daughter Lisa.  Elaine Benson goes this week to start her bioptic training.  We are on the list to pick her up in Quiet Dell on Thursday the 10th.  She is remarkable to do this and very good at arranging her transportation needs.

This afternoon I visited with the Waids a bit - after I cleaned out the back gutter of leaves, etc.  Then I carved my Halloween pumpkin while I watched the first half of the Steeler game.  Fixed dinner while watching the second half - then actually sat and watched 2 hrs of Sister Wives.  Have pumpkin seeds drying to roast tomorrow.

Will check tomorrow about getting apples somewhere to do applesauce and pie filling.  Also need to check with Barb about who she deals with abt Mother's finances as I need to follow up on the funds she set up for Lindsey and Hayley since we (well, they) got notices from Morgan Stanley Barney Smith or whatever that group's name is.....

that's it for tonight.

forgiveness

I have been reading more in Philip Yancey's What's So Amanzing About Grace. I am troubles about our relationship with Rick.  In my heart I believe our relationship is unchanged, and he is so dedicated to his life with Laurinda that he is unable to see the  hurt is he inflicting on his parents.  Being a child of God I struggle to be forgiving.  That's it, plain and simple.  But the Mother in me just continues to try to reach out.  And certain words - phrases really hit me this morning.  The chapter is "getting even".  pg 100 - "Where unforgivenss reigns..... a Newtonian law comes into play.  For every atrocity there must be an equal and opposite atrocity."  Sounds like kids playing "So there!".  But isn't that sort of what we did when we went to Virginia on Keith's birthday and had not told Rick - and he found out from Thornhills when he tried to send his Dad a birthday gift?

pg 101 " There is one major flaw in the law of revenge, however; it never settles the score.
from Lewis Smedes about Vengance: "It ties both the injured and the injurer to an escalator of pain."

(Makes me think about the conversation I had with Florence/Mother a few years ago about my behavior to her as a child and her response was that it was up to her to be the adult - to love me through it.)  Hummm.

It is difficult for me to be the one reaching out constantly, and feel rebuffed.  I will admit it - I get hurt and want to "get even", yet I feel in my heart that Rick is caught - his Dad thinks he should stand up for himself and that would solve things, but we do not know all of his life.  In my eyes, Rick gave up his daughter for his wife, and he is not going to risk loosing her too.  I just hope he knows how much I love him - how much we love him.  God gave up His son - can we do that too?  In some ways that is what it feels like to me.

quiet morning

I am sitting here in quiet as Keith is getting the truck inspected - who knows where the cat might be.  Listening to God tell me to invite Rick and family for dinner on Sunday - and afraid, frankly, of rejection.  And yet I know the answer is always NO if I do not ask.  So here goes - I am going to text him and start the conversation. OK, I did it - now the ball is back in his court.

10/29 - So I asked texted him and asked him, and from what I could tell he seemed to like the idea.  Said he would ask as they visited that night.  On Thursday PM I called to ask about the answer and was quietly told, maybe at a later date - "they felt it might be too soon to go that far".  I again told him I hoped he did not forget how to get home and that these new people in his life might be interested in where he grew up.