forgiveness

I have been reading more in Philip Yancey's What's So Amanzing About Grace. I am troubles about our relationship with Rick.  In my heart I believe our relationship is unchanged, and he is so dedicated to his life with Laurinda that he is unable to see the  hurt is he inflicting on his parents.  Being a child of God I struggle to be forgiving.  That's it, plain and simple.  But the Mother in me just continues to try to reach out.  And certain words - phrases really hit me this morning.  The chapter is "getting even".  pg 100 - "Where unforgivenss reigns..... a Newtonian law comes into play.  For every atrocity there must be an equal and opposite atrocity."  Sounds like kids playing "So there!".  But isn't that sort of what we did when we went to Virginia on Keith's birthday and had not told Rick - and he found out from Thornhills when he tried to send his Dad a birthday gift?

pg 101 " There is one major flaw in the law of revenge, however; it never settles the score.
from Lewis Smedes about Vengance: "It ties both the injured and the injurer to an escalator of pain."

(Makes me think about the conversation I had with Florence/Mother a few years ago about my behavior to her as a child and her response was that it was up to her to be the adult - to love me through it.)  Hummm.

It is difficult for me to be the one reaching out constantly, and feel rebuffed.  I will admit it - I get hurt and want to "get even", yet I feel in my heart that Rick is caught - his Dad thinks he should stand up for himself and that would solve things, but we do not know all of his life.  In my eyes, Rick gave up his daughter for his wife, and he is not going to risk loosing her too.  I just hope he knows how much I love him - how much we love him.  God gave up His son - can we do that too?  In some ways that is what it feels like to me.