The Purpose of Christmas

As I read an advent message today, I am reminded that the purpose of Christmas was that we be one with God.  Atonement - that time when we are At One with God.  All God wants for us to do is to surrender to his purposes, of love.  As Micah says, to love mercy, do justice and be one with God.  Let my gifts to others, those given and those yet to give, be representative of my love and not simply things that might bring pleasure to myself or others.

Through the messages of the past several days, I am again reminded that God takes "ordinary" people to do extraordinary things as vessels of delivering the message of God's love for each and every one of us. 

May it be so as I live my life-
Thanks be to God.

Advent versus Christmas

We are in the liturgical season of Advent, but in general public, we party as if it is Christmas.  It is hard to be quiet and prepare in public.  The mood is festive, not anticipatory waiting.  My gift shopping is close to completed.  We celebrated our family gathering and gift exchange on Saturday, and the greatest gift we recieved was being together with our family.  I would say "especially our lost granddaughter" - but truly I was happy to see each and every person.  I was happy to see my daughter in law's enjoyment of our gifts to her - I was happy to see our son  being able to spend time with his daughter.  I was happy to see our 14yr old granddaughter with all her make-up and our 17 yr old  being so "grown  up".  I am always happy to spend time with my daughter and son.

Now I am in an advent mode - trying to sit quietly with scripture and with God.  Reading and hearing the prophet Micah as he reminds us to be preparing our lives and our hearts by doing God's work - caring for others, not putting ourselves first.  Not being greedy.

My greed sometimes in other's happiness - perhaps I get too much joy from purchasing and making things that will bring joy to another - a form of greed, of which I am guilty.

So today, I will go to the church, and prepared Christmas cards for those who are not able to come to church and remind them that they are still in our hearts.  And in that way sit with God and listen.  May we all remember to slow down and listen - stop, watch and listen, not just for oncoming trains, but for God to be in our hearts.

Owning the truth

Today Sandpiper used John 17: 37 where Jesus says "Everyone who is of the truth hears my voice".  Those of us that know the truth - that Jesus is the Son of God, and thus God, know of His kingly stature - not someone like Pilate, someone come to rule the world in an earthly manner.

And Sandpiper went on to say that if you know the truth (emphasis mine) - the truth owns you.  I find this disturbingly appropriate this morning.  Over the last couple days, I used the savings acct with my inheritance to pay a bill - off setting what I had spent for Keith's weather station and our fun trip to Va to be with Robin and family (and Mira and family).  And in my haste when I made that transfer, I thought the amount in the savings acct was $5000 less that I thought I remembered it to be. 

I have "fretted" over that for the last several days.  Gone over my notepad of what I  had spent the inheritance money on.  My fear has been - since I deposited the $25,000, that I would "fritter it away" and not know/remember where it had gone.  I wanted that money to "count for something".  I guess maybe I thought it would devalue Florence if I could not account for my spending.

Well, after compiling what I could here at the house to verify my accounting for what I had spent, I was ready to confront the bank-  so I actually took a minute to look again at the bank account on the web, and indeed, the truth was what I remembered.  not what I thought I had seen - and as someone famous had said, that truth freed me from worry. 

So, let there be two lessons from this - one, if I trust myself to know the truth, trust yourself/have faith in your intuitions.  And, don't spend so much time worrying, double check the account - maybe I saw some number incorrectly.  Enough said.

Faith in God, faith in myself.  Gotta love it - and myself.

Temporality

This is a new word for me - and I love learning new words.  My (old) dictionary defines temporality as the quality of state of being temporal.   So, the next step is to define Temporal - lasting only for a time - temporary, not eternal - of this world, not spiritual - hmm, civil or secular, not ecclesiastical - of or limited by time.  I guess that defines me / life.

In my reading of today's devotion in The Upper Room Disciplines, today's author uses Revelation 1: 4b-8 as her text.  There are serveral references in that passage of God/Christ as the beginning and the end,   And the author's reminder is that while God is everlasting, we are temporary.  I am again reminded of my instructions as I was being prepared to join the church, of God's infinite-ness.  God being the Alpha and the Omega - ominipresent, omniscient, omnipotent. 

And my more recent recognition that this all present, all knowing, all powerful God LOVES  ME NOT MATTER WHAT!  What wonderful knowledge. 

And this passage again from today -"The confidence in our anticipation is the sense in which that always-future-coming reflects the everlasting nature of the God we have always known in and through Jesus Christ."

And then, this other recurring thought - I miss being involved in a spiritual formation / spiritual development group.  I continue to pray and look for opportunities to form or join such a group.  In the meanwhile, I am thankful for a spiritual leader that stirred my thought proccesses. 

Hmm, always-future-coming.  Save your fork, the best is yet to come. 
Thanks be to God.

Publish?

I am considering making this page known to others.  I know it can be "found" and may be seen by others who just click the "next blog" choice at the top of the page, but not sure.....

Reasons for letting others know about it - as a way of keeping myself and others informed on a more or less regular basis of what I have accomplished.  Like yesterday I:
finished the knitting on sweater for g for Christmas
did a massive trim on the butterfly bushes beside the deck - several of the largest stems were broken in this last storm and decided while I was at it, to just do them both in a similar fashion
walked the back of our property and saw all the damage of the two storms- hard to pinpoint what was just this last as the foliage had been on when the June storm occurred, though I think most of the damage on the back "hill" was this last storm.  And realized that I NEED HELP TO GET THIS CLEANED UP!
Walked a mini loaf of bread up to Dewey's house - they have two horses up there! (left it on the fr ont porch bench ( and need to remember to call and see it they found it-)
Cleared up my confusion about socks for G - will try to get a pair made for him for Christmas.  I did not want to "take away" from A his homemade sock knitting if she wanted to make them for him.
Changed sign at Crim to read "Operation Christmas Child Shoe box collection site. 
Finished book "Cider House Rules"

Did not get done - vacuuming in house -
A real walk (though I did walk to D's  house and did get to The Workout.)

Courage and Faith

This passage from today's reading in the Upper Room Disciplines:

Based on Ps 127, as well as this week's reading in Ruth:

"Courage is an element of trust, and trust is an element of faith.  Faith is the underpinning of holy risk.  In the face of doubts and despair, in the presence of foes and fears, the faith that is our heritage from God, God's great gift and blessing, provides courage and confidence." (Martha Highsmith)

I have taken on many different "jobs" during my life.  As I think about courage and faith, I realize that when I have spoken up and volunteered to do something just beyond my confort level, it has been with the base of knowing that it is OK to fail - and that comes ,I BELEIVE, from the knowledge that I AM LOVED - and isn't that the gift of Grace?

And isn't it the love of others that gives us the lift to do things?  I am thinking this AM about getting ready and going to the church to help prepare for tomorrows dinner - and all the other things I have to do - prepare the cards for the congregation to sign, bake breads for pastor for the veterans on Sunday- exercise, and maybe get in a walk.  Then there is all this mess around our house to clean up from the storm.

And knitting projects to be accomplished, and the Prayer Shawl group.  My mind is a whirl of things to do.  But then I am lead back to "why me" - why am I the one to push the prayer shawl ministry?  Why am I the one to bake the bread?  fix the cards, etc.  Sure, part of the answer is "why not you?" - but my constant prayer is to be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

God has put many people in my life to be my "support staff" - to be my encouragers.  I think back to Susan Pickering's parents - they thought I was worthy of taking into their lives and on their boat - and gave me things to do.  Lorita Duffield thought I was worth the effort to lead me to become a nurse.  Mrs. Chaffey thought enough of me to allow me to be supervisor - in charge of the Broaddus Hospital.  Norma Workman had faith in me to nurture me in OR.  Joy Don took me into a larger environment in both WVUH and the world of AORN.  I could go on an on...up to Alicia-

Alicia had faith in me to nurture my faith, to have me lead a group of others in the Prayer shawl ministry.  To have us care for their daughter through her senior year in high school.  And now I am considered a strong part of Crim UMC.  Tonya thinks I am worth the effort to teach me in bells, and the friends I have made through the church are beyond the basic word friend.  We are family- family in Christ's body.

Which leads me back to courage and faith.  Because of my faith, I have the courage to make the "sweet tea" - to prepare back packs bags, to listen to God and make notes on cards.  Thank you folks and God especially for your ongoing support.

I like Alicia's ending......To God be the Glory 

Monday morning

King wanted me to be up way earlier than I did this morning.  Of course he succeeded in getting me out of bed, but I shut him out of the bedroom for a few extra minutes.  But I am glad to be up before the sun tops over the hill and to see the sunlight through the trees light up my neighbors first.  Thanks be to God for sunlight streaming in.

Today I read a passage from Job, (42:1-6) and again am reminded of the expression that we want to have a relationship with God, but we want to be the advisors - hmm.  I think I struggle the very  most with not my will, but "THY will be done".  I am not sure why the need to be in control is so strong in me.  I do not see myself as a born leader - I think I am more support person, cheerleader, facilitator, but I accept that those terms sometimes mean taking the lead actions. 

Yesterday (as many days) I struggled with doing too much vs walking away.  I really want to go away for a few days, and felt like others were asking me to take on addition tasks - what to do with the turkeys for the Bazaar, what to do with and for the back pack feeding project.  Get the Pampered chef stuff taken care of (and be sure not to leave anyone out for fear of hurting someone's feelings....).

As I sat in the front listening to the pianist play quiet music for the prelude, I truly surrendered and sat quietly, and asked God to lead me and calm me.  Of course it worked.  I was then reasonably calm to start our service with annoucements and then the start of worship.

I guess that is the same thing I did when I surrendered this morning, got up and sat here quietly with my morning devotion time and watched the sun light up our neighborhood.  It is now high enough to be in my eyes as I sit here at the kitchen table, and I feel prepared to face the day and the world, knowing that God literally has my back, and with Him, all things are possible.  Even tons of tasks to include walking and exercise.

Thanks be to God.

Weather and servant

Yesterday was a beautiful weather day.  A bit cool in the AM as I took my walk - the brilliant blue sky of fall.  As we drove north the colors of the trees were vivid.  Truly at peak in my mind, with several trees down to bare "bones" already. 

After we were done with our appointment we then stalled a bit a the mall, and met up with our son, his wife and their grandchild at a local restaurant for supper.  The baby was fussier than normal.  He had been to a new sitter, and was either or both tired and hungry.  As I think this AM, I guess we are all a bit out of sorts when we are either tired or hungry and certainly both.  As this young child depended on his grandparents to know what he needed to make him happy, so I depend on God to know what I need.  I mean, after all, isn't He omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent? 

But then I am reminded of the prayer we are all taught "our father which art in Heaven"- Hmm, Our father, maybe that means I need to be a bit patient - maybe someone else's need is a tad more important than mine?  And then, that of course leads back to today's reading in Mark (10:35-45) and servant leadership.

So, let me today be a patient, servant leader.  Let me be in a state of constant prayer for not just myself but for others.  May I again today pray to be the best me I can be to serve and be an example to others. 

Thanks be to God

Bone tired

I've had two very full and fulfilling days, and I am bone tired.  Well, actually it was three days of being busy if I really think about it. 

I like to be and keep busy.  I have attended three different "church" services in the last 24 hours.  We in WV welcomed our new Bishop Sandra Steiner Ball.  The ceremony was held in Wesley Chapel at WV Wesleyan College.  A moving ceremony and great sermon on "God Still Speaks".  As she was speaking I increasingly wondered how much I might be missing if I am not intentionally paying attention and listening.  I was sitting in a pew with several of the most important people in my life.  What do I miss with them if I am too busy with my own agenda and not paying attention??

We had a good sermon today in church as well.  I cannot hide from God  and I am fooling only myself if I think I can.  But the GOOD NEWS is that I can not sin enough to banish God - God's grace is greater than all our sin.  Guess it is up to me to pay better attention and have better intentions.

This afternoon I participated in "charge conference" and hear a third sermon.  Our D.S, sought to give us 7 key ideas for becoming Fruitful Congregations using the same letter of the alphabet, though he admitted it was hard to do.  He used the letter P, and almost succeeded, but on the last word he summed up a lot of what we as churches need to do to be growing and fruitful - we need to be Phlexible.  -  He used a quote that we were not to let the fear of "striking out keep us from coming up to bat". 

I am forever grateful for the opportunities to volunteer in service to my church and have made some of the best friends in the company of believers-  truly we ARE and are to be the Body of Christ. 

And with those thoughts, will say "good night"

Thoughts while walking today

It has been quite a while since I last wrote on this blog.  I have always thought this was a private thing, but as we set up our new computer (laptop), I realized that it is possible others might actually read this.  Hum.

So my current reading is The Heretic's Daughter by Kathleen Kent.  Hard to believe people lived such hard lives.  People today think they have it rough, but I don't know of anyone in our country that has to melt ice from a frozen river to have water in the winter.  Or sit huddled in a blanket while someone mends their only shirt...  as kids say, "just sayin' ".

My current knitting includes working on three different prayer shawls, a sweater for a young child for Christmas and of course a pair of socks.  Have several completed, dedicated prayer shawls that need to get the folks we made them for.

Got the sign board for church made up today - not really enough letters to say what I wanted, but it is a start.  Found more letters on Amazon cheaper than anywhere else.  IF not approved, to purchase, I can return them.

I find it hard to believe all the storage units available for rent these days.  While the amount of things I have acquired has taken over the space our kids used to need, I can't quite understand the need for all the storage buildings.

So now it is time for dinner.  Bye all.

Discouraged

Feeling sort of discouraged today.  The walking thing seems like the only thing I am losing is sleep.  Up when I wake each morning - I have only missed one day other than my Sunday rest days, and yesterday's weight was up 2 lbs.

Also continue to feel discouraged that I/we put so much effort into maintaining relationships with others, and it seems like no one then can be bothered to come by here to check on us.  Should I set specific date invitations?  Admittedly, I am not good at just stopping by, except doing so in Buckhannon.

And I am discouraged in that I miss what I am going to call "spiritual direction".  I miss the opportunities to explore what God might be saying to me - I can not depend on Alicia for that, she has made it very plain to me that she is now family, not my pastor.  And I am having a difficult time with Tim as my spiritual  director.  I don't think that his alignment in pastoring.  I want more that a bible study of what did it mean, and more of what does it me to me, to my life now.  Gotta keep searching for that.

All of which makes me feel very self-centered.  Other people have real problems, and I whine because I feel left out.  I am very frustrated by the fact that I can not train, much less contain the grapevine that is overtaking everything, and the multiflora rose.  Fallen trees that have (some of them) lain uncut for years.  Poison ivy that is overtaking too much of our "yard" with no one caring but me, but I get "I'll take care of that" when I complain..... but nothing is ever done.

OK, I have ranted on enough.  Time to get off my duff and do a bit of that trimming around the driveway, then I can clean  up.  I may be the only one that cares or notices, but I am someone and I am important if not to anyone else, to me and to God.

grousing - well whining

OK, this being out of electricity and running the generator is really getting old, but I am very grateful to be able to do that.  So far, we lost electricity on 6/29 about 7:30PM, got power back on Sunday 7/1 at 7:40 PM and then lost it in a storm at 10:40pm.  On calling Mon power I was told they knew of our outage and reported to me the number I had been assigned on Friday PM.  -

On MOnday 7/2 I again called in with no power and again the original number was reported to me.  Of course all of this is via computer.  I am uneasy that some one will come along and note that our original outage had been cleared and remove us from the list of concerns.  I know Sam has been in communication with his close friend John Cutright who is assessor and part of what I consider to be people in the know.

Tuesday I met up with Susie Cvechko in the grocery store and she commented that in an assessment meeting with the Com Center there had been no mention of outage on Union road.  Tues PM went to VBS and it was nice to be out of the house for a while, but hot on return.

July 4 we did make a trip to Alicia's and took King.  Nice to have a few hours away from the house, but of course it was almost dark, hot and stuffy when we got home.  House never did get cool for the night.

Thursday I called the power company AGAIN and this time was given another new number - again makes me feel like we had been overlooked.  House at bedtime in high 80's - fan gives little respite.  Washed clothes and hung them on the drying rack outside -

Friday, called power company again and given same (newer) number.  Recording says they hope to have all of Barbour County on by Sunday PM.  Went to VBS.  Temp in LR at bedtime is 88.

Saturday Dewey calls to tell me there is a switch thrown on a pole by the Independence Church.  Of course all I get from the Power company is the same recorded nonsense.  Sam assures me he had talked to a human being and they were aware of our issue.  I gave up and called the Com Center and a person there said there were trucks staged in the County at Tacy and they would be sure the folks got our message about the switch - they were aware this outage in the Indepenece area.  For me to call when I got power and if I did not to call back in 4-5 hrs and let them know.  I called back at 4PM or so and told them.  Have seen power repair trucks past our house today for the first time.  Found at at the store that there has been no power up the Independence "holler" at all since the storm on Friday and there are lines down in the field which have been reported.  Keith and I spent time on the back deck as the heat is still bad there but not in the sun and some breeze.  When I went in to fix us some dinner, I found a message from Com Center that we should have power by 8PM and if we did not to call again and they would again see if something could be done.  As we were getting ready to go buy more gas to fill and run the generator through the night for the first time due to now oppressive heat - we were going to run a fan in the BR through the night- power came on about 7:55PM.  Halleluia!

After a fairly normal night, minus generator and house finally cooled to the 75 degrees, and the air conditioner is running quite a bit, we went to town to eat about 2PM, another hard storm hit and when we came home we again had NO POWER!  I called Mon Power, second number is repeated as if never better (never did get a call telling us the power was on, btw).  Called the Com center and after I asked if they had any more miracles, again said our power was off and I was not sure the company would pick it  up.

So, here it is 9PM, back on the generator, so far about$100 spent on fuel, and we face another indeterminate period of time without power.  We have heard that some of the folks further up the road (that had power from Sunday to today) have had power returned, and others have not.  Some have never yet had power issues.  I am fed up, have no idea where else to turn, am tired of feeling slighted and am just plan bitchy.  I know there are people worse off than I, I know the power company folks are working hard in all this heat, but if I could have a human say they will help take care of the problem i would be much happier. 

End of rant - for now at least.

On the road again

Today I am off to Annual Conference - all the way to Buckhannon.  I have been "on the road" so much recently, that truthfully I'd like to just go over there and work in Alicia's yard/garden and sit and talk a bit - or sit and listen.  I really enjoy the worship and music times but get a bit bored with the actual work of the church. 

I am ready tho to sit and worship a bit more.  I've missed several Sunday services recently.  With the recent conversations I had with brother Walter, I am coming to terms with my passion for UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.  I continue to be hurt, I guess, by the fact that my father never accepted my decision/choice to marry in December 1964 here in Philippi.  There have been times when I thought I had forgiven him and accepted that, but I am not sure I have.

And that hurt, that sense of abandonment is the reason I refuse to give up on Rick or on Lindsey.  Mother Florence was so wise to insist on keeping in touch with me.  Was my father's behavior so rooted in his patriach background as a 1st generation American?  I feel like I can't know. 

So in a few minutes I will pack again... go to the church to take care of some things there including getting the buckets and kits ready to go, then home and help Pat with a knitting problem and meet the Elaines to be off.  Except this time I will take a few gardening things and 4 tomato plants.  Maybe working in the dirt there will help me feel some peace.

I liked Rev Marvin Carr's response to communion "Grace and Peace".  I was humbled to serve him communion, as I would be to serve Alicia and many other Pastors whom I hold in great respect. 

Time to get moving!

"Friendship"

Today I read Sandpiper's Thoughts and the Epistle reading of 1John 5: 9-13.  Being a "friend" has so many levels of meaning to me and I suspect to others, in today's world.  Reminds me of the words we might say to each other - "of you (loved me/ were my friend) you would do (such and such).  Quakers are the Society of Friends - on Facebook we have Friends - sometimes people we have never met.

Then there are people we are conversant with and they are my friends.  And people I worship with - they are my friends.  Neighbors are my friends - even the ones I would rather not spend much time around...

I say that since my children became adults, we can be friends.  And I have people that are friends, that I consider family. 

So, if Jesus chose me to be his friend, which has been written in the bible, should I not accept that friendship and  hold it with the higher level of friend such as my children and those I consider family?  And if I am Jesus' friend, then it is up to me to be an example of the kind of friend I hold most dear, not the ones I prefer not to spend time around?

So God, today especially, let me be the kind of friend you want me to be - the kind I want to share time and space with - let me be a witness to your unending, unconditional love.  Let this be my prayer and my action, today and always.... though I am human ....

Thanks be to God.

prayer - An Altar in the World

Just finished the chapter on the Practice of being Present to God.  Reminds me so much I hunger for the spiritual direction/discussion group.  This is a book club selection - and I chose to not attend the meeting which is today, as it is also the day the JUMC is preparing ramps for their ramp dinner.  In a self interest in continuing the relationship I have with members of JUMC, I chose to stay here.  Initially I thought this was not a good book to discuss at book group - and I guess I still feel that way, though now I hunger to discuss it. 

And yes, I hunger to discuss this type of issue - being present to God.  I do not think I am "better" than someone else - but miss the opportunity to share this level of discussion - I sense that many other people, no less "religious" or "spiritual" than myself would think I was off my rocker.  I do not yearn to be a pastor, just to be a person more "in touch" with God.  I am learning, over and over, and not making much progress, that what I think I want, may be different than what God wants for me. 

As I think about my deep desire to be in touch with Rick and be more in his life, I realize that comes with some concerns/ restrictions.  Am I ready to give up my church life, my choir, bells etc to be more available to him?  Is simply being the person that carried him before he had the ability to sustain himself, does that make me due him coming to us? 

I remember how desolate and alone I felt the night after my last "accident" and how, in the dark of the night I somehow sensed that  I did have value and worth - and that I chose then to look up hymns and sing. albeit to myself.  I am not sure how many people would understand that - but I KNOW Alicia would.

So, now I will write a short email to her, and my day will continue as I get ready to go help prepare ramps,

thanks be to GOD!

April 10, 2012

Knitting the Matrix shawl has become a real project.  Went to Elkins again on Saturday to discuss and verify my thoughts.  Sunday night I joined the long strips to the vest back and did the instructed K2 yarn over increases and as Sandra suspected, it did leave holes, so last night I started to take out the two new rows - invested over an hour and only have part of the k1p1 rib out, but I will persist and get it back to the increase row and do it as k2, increases.  I surely hope this is worth the time and money I have put into this.  And I certainly did need the 47" cord on the circular needle to hold all the stitches, though it is long and heavy.  Now we need to plan to go to the fall retreat so I can "show off" my matrix vest!  *and I need to get it completed by then, bu t that should happen once I get the increase row down.  I put a marker in where the "row" starts to have it to do my row counts. 

February confessions

This may well be rambling, but I feel the need to put some ideas down - and maybe at some point I will figure out where to go for the help Alicia used to provide - but as our relationship is now different, I am not sure she is where I should turn.

When I was "happiest" I was involved in a couple different church study groups - in Disiciple, in Companions in Christ.  I had a daily purpose to read, ponder and reflect, and then an opportunity to discuss.  We were more involved in each other and there was a sense that people - someone - really cared about me/us.  As Alicia got busier, and then left our charge, that pretty much dissolved.  Tim tried to lead us in Disciple, but he more taught than led - his insecurity or mine....

When I have tried to approach him with a concern, I do not feel led by spirit - I am not so much looking for "advice" as guidance.  So  maybe what I am seeking is Spiritual formation for lay people.  hah

With having to go to spend time in Ripley I have really felt alone.  I have literally needed to give up my life to be there for the girls, and they seem either unaware or  ungrateful.  I have eased their mother's mind to some degree, but with this texting and cell phones, the decisions have really not been  mine at all, past what to have for supper.  (And everyone knows I am somewhere between tired of making those decisions and hate to have to make that decision every day!).

Then I feel guilty because all I really want to do is be home and live my own life.  And surely no one wants that to happen more than Rick and Robin.  So then I feel guilty for being so self-centered.  Keith and I are both so not wanting to go back there today.  The lemons I make lemonade from are now withered and dry. without some sense of appreciation, I just feel empty.

So Lord, if it is anywhere close to your will, may Rick be discharged soon, may life return to some degree of normal for all of us, including our cat.  May I not have to be the buffer between Keith, the animals and the girls.  May I accept your will and be a better person, a better Christian example for it.  More Mary and less Martha?  More prodigal son and less the son that stayed home.